Judge Grants Joel Comm Rights to All “.Com” Addresses

In a landmark decision that will be sure to usher in a new world Internet order, a World Wide Web judge has just granted Internet marketing guru and entrepreneur Joel Comm the exclusive trademark rights to the “.com” web address suffix, placing all websites everywhere with a “.com” domain under the jurisdiction and discretion of Joel Comm.

The decision came about when Joel Comm successfully sued Al Gore, who had previously laid claim to “inventing” the Internet in 1999. However, citing multiple witnesses and scores of websites as evidence, and pointing specifically to the surname he has carried since birth, Joel Comm was able to prove beyond a shadow of a doubt that he, Comm, was in fact the person who invented the Internet and gave it his own last name.

In making their case, attorneys for the defendant, Al Gore, raised questions about the spelling of the name Comm. If Joel were indeed the true inventor of the Internet, they asked, then why weren’t all websites affixed with a “.comm”?

Joel explained that back in 1997, two years before Gore took credit for the Internet, he was messing around in his basement on his computer and came up for the idea for the World Wide Web. When it came time to write the first web address however, right as he had written worldvillage.com, he was about to type the second “m” when his computer ran out of memory. Now, Joel was flat broke at the time, and memory costing what it did, he couldn’t afford to spell out his entire name and so “.com” it was.

Judge Bill Gates, arbitor of the Universal Court of the World Wide Web in which the case was heard, asked Joel why he happened to be so broke at that time. Joel explained that days prior to his conceiving the internet, he had been aiding the Nigerian government with acquiring some funds stuck in escrow and was flat broke at the time.

Now that Joel Comm has received the proper recognition for his accomplishments and been given back what was rightfully his, the general public may be wondering what comes next. Being the humanitarian that he is, Joel has agreed not to shut down the Internet by denying the operators of .com’s the right to maintain their websites. He is however asking every person with a .com to register their site with him.

In addition, instead of asking all websites to change their addresses to .comm (which would be well within his legal rights), Joel has instead announced that he will be legally changing his name to Joel Com.

And Yes... this is an April Fool's Joke.

"This article was published as a fake cover on the April 2009 edition of Joel's magazine, The Top One Percent Report. To request a free copy of Joel's publication, click here"